Quote of The Day

If you can solve your problem, then what is the need of worrying? If you cannot solve it, then what is the use of worrying?

-Shantideva

Drama

Watched He's Just Not That Into You, and became very thoughtful.
Here's a part of something that's written in the case of the DVD. (read : synopsis)

Remember that really cute guy who said he'd call... and didn't? Maybe he lost your number. Maybe he's in the hospital. Maybe he's awed by your beauty, brains or success. Maybe he's busy with his annoying ex-girlfriend, or maybe HE EVEN FORGET THAT HE KNEW YOU. (Sorry that was me) Or maybe--He's just not that into you.

Wow. You know, I felt like I was slapped in the face when I read it. Because, somehow it's... true. I wonder why I'm waiting on this jerk. There's no guarantee that someday he'd call me and say the L word. Why don't I have fun? Why don't go out with others? There are bunch of good guys out there, aren't there? There isn't anyone that can guarantee he's also waiting for me. What if actually he already has new girlfriend and he's having fun with her? What if he already fell for another girl?

You know, I've waited for so long. Maybe not that long. But we've through so many obstacles. Annoying ex(es), backstabber, stalking friends, a-NOT-SO-SUPPORTING-WELL-YOU-CAN-CALL-HIM-BFF-SLASH-BEST-F*ING-FRIEND, etc etc etc. Why should this end up like this? Well, life's not a fairytale. But after all these stupid things, why don't this end up with a happy ending?

But no, I can't. I've tried to move on and I can't. Guess why? When I started to think about that cute neighbor, or maybe annoying-but-sweet old friend, you ALWAYS call me, or text me and say that you miss me and stuff. WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THAT? It keeps repeating. Making a pattern and I can't escape.

Hm. Sorry if this post is a little bit too emotional or whatever you said. I just.. realized that if we're soulmate (yes, I DO believe in soulmate) there will be a way for us to be together.

You know, I LOVE drama. :D

Reality

We're confused. We don't know what to do. But life is about options. It's not about the right thing to do. After all, everyone has their own paradigm. And there's no 'right or wrong'. If you choose your way, and you go through it better than you would if you choose mine, it's okay. Well, let's hope that's the best option for you.

I know how it feels to be you. I have felt like that before, maybe mine was even worse. Here's my suggestion :

Don't run away from the reality. Face it. Be ready.

It's About You

You.
Didn't even say goodbye.
You.
With your broken smile.
You.
Ceasing to fly.
You.
Reaching too high.
You.
Fall and cry.
You.
Searching for light.
You.
Trying to deny the truth.
You.
Trying to struggle.
You.
Facing life.
You.
And all your flaws.

You,
don't know what's waiting inside.

A Letter to a Stranger

Hey there.
We used to know each other. So I think I should introduce myself again.
My name is Ajeng and I'm 12 turning to 13.
I am a drama queen and you knew it.
I don't have many friends, but I have a few close friends.
I cry easily and almost everyone's annoyed because of that.
And I fall for a stupid cruel boy.
And I can't get up.
And I can't move on.
It's you.

Simple Step

We can stop by a while, and figure out what's stopping us. You're feeling pissed, I'm feeling pissed, and actually everybody is. We're just trying to ignore the stupid simple fact that we hide. To be one, we have to be tolerance. To be one, we have to face the ups and downs together. You know what? Those are BS (sorry Dinda I use the same word). It starts from a simple step, that leads to another. To be one, we simply just have to realize that we're one.

For You pt. 2

I know I know. I don't have any idea for the post title. There are some points I want to tell you here.

First, plagiarism is pathetic. Although plagiarism is the highest compliment, it sucks to know you're plagiarized. Please, you have a brain, you're smart. You don't have to be a copycat to be cool. Everybody's cool in their own way.

Second, the spotlight does not always shine on you. If you feel like you’re not accepted because people tend to laugh or stare or talk to other people than laugh/stare/talk to you, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you.

Third, you have to tolerance with other people. You don’t live your own world. Don’t be such a freaking headstrong girl. But you have to make a decision too, but be flexible.

Fourth, life is about options. People choose their lives. And they have to make a decision. Yes or no. You can’t say yes and no. It’s always yes, or no. You can’t have both, darling.

Fifth, being in the center of the attention doesn’t always the right thing to do. There are plenty of reasons. Maybe people will get bored and they’re even SICK of you, and they will walk away from you, and there you are, feeling alone, blablabla and other drama-things.

Sixth, think clearly before making decisions. Maybe sometimes you need to follow your heart but please, if you just do something to strike people’s attention, and that makes other people annoyed, or even worse, it makes you in danger, PLEASE. DON’T. DO. THAT.

Seventh, love people the way they are and they will love you the way you are. It doesn’t mean that you have excuses not to introspect yourself. It’s just a more complex sentence for ‘Don’t complain too much. Just look at yourself!’

Eighth, everybody hates a hypocrite, but surely almost everyone is a hypocrite. Hm still, it’s related to the seventh point.

Oh and ninth, we don’t hate you. We just want you to realize, this is life.

For You

You know, life is about options. You have to choose whether you want to be bad, or you want to be good. Pessimistic, or optimistic. Win or lose. You can't have both. You choose.

Whatever

Whatever. I want to post something but I'm blaaaaaank.

I did bad things and I said sorry.
I messed up and I feel weary.
But I get up because I know
Everybody messes up and is full of sorrow.
I was drowsy and enervated.
But I know now that I'm strengthened.
Many people treat me discourteously.
But who cares because I have my faith in me.
Because everybody's just the same.
They did wrong things and do have shame.
That's the dare of you to say you're virtuous.
Let's say everybody knows that they're nefarious.
We fall, we crawl, we're sinful.
We get up, we stand, we're hopeful.

Best Friends

This post is dedicated to my best friends.

Maybe I'm not a sweet kind of friend.
Maybe I often say things that hurts your feeling.
Maybe I only called you when you broke up with your boyfriend,
because I was not allowed to go to your house.

But one thing you must know, my friend.
I never want to hurt your feeling.
And sure, I really wanted to be on your side to cuss your silly boyfriend, and provide the shoulder to cry on.
But what can I say? I can't.
And even though I rarely say these words,
I really mean it.
Because you're all precious.
And last but not the least.
1 meaning. 3 words. 8 letters.
I HATE YOU.
Ahem. Typing error.
I love you.
And I mean it.

Oh, sorry. That's not one thing, that's a lot.

I Wonder...

If forgetting you even makes any differences for my life. Will it be better?

Sorry I'm in the mood for dramatic posts.

I Don't Give a Damn, You Know

Please stop disturbing my life. Mind your own business. I said no, and that's my decision. Don't you come to my life and pretend like nothing happened. But something happened between us, and I won't change my mind. I haven't changed my mind. I don't need your guilty feelings, and you don't have to say sorry. Because it won't change anything. There's a scar and even time heals, but it's too soon for the scar to be healed. You always do this and that and say sorry, and do that again. I'm tired of facing you. Don't turn around, and don't make this even worse. It's worse than it sounds, believe me. You need to know that I don't need much of anything, especially you. It's not differences that makes me sick of you, I accept differences. But your behavior really sucks (sorry) and I'm sick of it. It's not that I don't have bad side but please you're alive, you communicate, you need tolerance and sympathy and empathy. You're not living your own land. You hate to think you're hurting me. But please, where's your empathy? But no, I'm not hurted anymore. I don't give a damn, you know.

Wishes

Tired.

Devastated.

Broken.

I know this is wrong.

Waiting on a ruin with a lump of hopes.

But as you see, I'm a sad sack of wishes.

Unite in bones.

Sounds naive, sounds stupid.

You know, heard that before.

Waiting on a jerk that makes me broken.

But I wonder if forgetting you even makes any differences.

I'm making excuses.

Not to forget you.

Not to forget EVERYTHING.

Everyone knows that.

I'm waiting for a miracle in ruins.

Hoping for hopes.

Wishing for a glance.

Standing up for a chance.

You think it's time to give it up.

But no, I'm not giving up.

I think it's time to figure out.

What's stopping us.

What's stopping you.

We can't breath easily.

We can't even see each other more than a sad glance.

And I know this lump is killing us.

Is this what you've waited for?

Is this what you've dreamt of?

Please just answer with yes or no.

I don't need your infinite excuses.

If you want to even up the score, just do it.

Just so you know, I know all the things.

Even if it's way too late.

Do you know what I'm seeking for?

Truths and answers.

I think it's not that hard for you.

Just to say yes or no.

So please don't leave me hanging on.

And you know what?

The path is clear if you're ready, now.

Time

I have nothing to write...

My period cramp is killing me even though it's already a week from my first day. Yeah, a week. I think there's an error.

Watched Click yesterday, and I cried. Actually it's a comedy movie, but the moral of the story is really really reaalllly good. Watch it, and discover the meaning of life. (ahauhauhuahua) But really, you have to watch it. I cried like a baby when I was watching this movie. I remember a quote (one of my 'quote of the day', i wrote it and posted it here) 'People warn you about not to let golden hours slip by, but somehow it's golden hours because we let them slip by' Hm, actually it's not like this. I forget. -.- But more or less, the main idea is like that.

Maybe, watching movies and popcorn war seem stupid, but surely you will miss the time you can do that kind of activity with your friends, or family, or boyfriend. Actually I've ever felt that way. You know, I posted something about a place called Chopstick. When I was a 6th grader, I often visit that place, and that was like just another routinity. But now, going to Chopstick is a very veeeerrryy special activity.

I mean we can't get back to the old times, we can't buy it, we can't change times we waste. Simple things are actually BIG if we let them slip by. So, use it wisely.

Sorry for My Jerky Actions

Hey.
Have you ever think about others' feelings? It sucks facing an egoistic person like you. I've tried to be better, and improve my bad characters (like you said to me) But I don't see your efforts. Everybody has bad characters, so do I, so do YOU.

At first I tried to be patient, maybe that's your character and it'll be better as time goes by, because you get older and wiser. But please, would you think from others' perspective? I'm sure you'll feel pissed off if you're treated like that. And stop blaming me from your faults, or maybe others' faults or maybe our faults. If you're angry with me, please stop saying cusses to me, DON'T EVEN TRY TO SLAP ME, or hit me. You know, life changes. Maybe now you're the superior one, but who knows? And I'm trying not to hold grudges to you, but I can't. I'm sorry. Because all the scratches and pains you have left, maybe it can be cured but not now. And not so soon.

I don't want to make new problems so don't explode in front of me and do all those fkkn things, again. You know, our life has made some kind of patterns. It keeps going over and over again, and I'm still waiting for the pattern to stop. Please, I'm tired. And sorry for my jerky action, posting this post, because I don't have enough guts to say this in front of your face.

Adieu.

Ouch

Lately I like making poems. Those poems aren't good. I'm not a poet, so sorry. And anyway I read a poem titled Hurting in The Present for Persevering The Past.

Ouch. The title slapped me. Wow.

An Unseen Bond

Voiceless communication

Not a word came from your mouth

Not a word came from my mouth

It's hard to describe

A bond between us

And it's unseen

But we can feel it

Let us remember the dreams we share

Can you recall our BFF promise we made?

You're a bestfriend of mine

That's the way it should be

And let it goes the way it is

For My BFF that's usually not allowed to go on the net.

It Can't Be Erased

Only to vanish once

Would you like it to happen again?

No? Then hold it tight

It's not about being close to each other

Please look at me with your minds

I'll always be there

There were some difficult moments

Did we stand through it?

Hopefully we did

But somehow, there are ups and downs

Now we're back in the track.

Playing together

Or maybe just fooling around

And sharing our dreams

There's a bond

Should we keep it?

No, we shouldn't

Because hopefully it can't be erased

For my bestfriends. I love you all. :)

Rock and Roll

If they wanna rock they rock

If they wanna roll they roll

They can roll with the punches

Long as they feel like they're in control

If they wanna stay they stay

If they wanna go they go

They don’t care how they get there

Long as they get somewhere they know

Positive + Negative -

I'm trying to change my perspective to be more... positive. Blah.

Maybe I'm not a gothic-emo-kind-of-girl that thinks that life is useless, but I'm quiet a pessimistic person. But, MAYBE, my 'packaging' is not that pessimistic. And somehow it's fun being a pessimistic, because life goes your way. You know, things happen when you least expect it.

People say 'Hope for the best, prepare for the worst'. Sometimes when I tried to change my mind, and tried to think from the positive side things got worse. It didn't go my way. And I was hurted even more. So I made a conclusion to prepare for the worst, and do NOT hope for the best, but do NOT hope for the worst (do you think there's a person that hopes for the worst?), and do your best.

Some says that it's just the same as a bench-mark-degradation, but no, it's not a bench-mark-degradation, it's just... Preparing for the worst, because things don't always go your way. But I can't lie, of course there are some situations that was an exception. Like EVERYTHING related with him. Ahuahuaua silly. So I can't say that I was a real pessimistic person. But for a pessimistic, I'm quiet optimistic (ahuahua it's paramore's song).

But now, (since about a month or less  ago) I'm trying to look from the brightside. I'm trying to improve my badside, to be less sensitive, moody, and etc etc blah blahs. If I fail, let's just say it's life, there are ups and downs. 

I'm trying to forgive (even if it's kinda hard for me, and seriously it was really hard for me), to look things in the different way, to feel what others feels (read: more and more empathy). Ah, better me.

So the conclusion is, I'm trying to be better. And I'm trying to be more optimistic. And please, if you're my friend, help me through this change. And, will you try to fix your bad characters? If you really are my friend, then there are takes and gives. If I try to be better, then you have to try to be better (actually it's not like a drop dead theory, but these are the simple words). So, yeah. Please at least help me through this confusing condition, because my 'negative' side meets and crashes with my 'positive-oh-lala' side.